They call you arrogant. Conceited. A braggart. Mentally unhinged. A shining example of toxic aristocracy. Liable to slay the dragon and forget to unchain the princess. So full of hot air that your suit of armor should come with a "WARNING: CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE" label printed on the plackart.
You have no defense against any of these.
But that is okay! You do not need to win arguments.
You do not need anything else but 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇.
No, not honor. 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 with a 'u', spoken with a breathy sigh and a Habsburg Jaw. It is different. Better. Inherently more... 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒.
You live 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇. Breathe it. Drink it. Worship it. Dream about it in the late hours of the night. Your body is a self-sufficient 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 ecosystem, both absorbing it from the world and producing it until you achieve perfect, 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 equilibrium.
Words like "knight" and "paladin" no longer hold a candle to what you are.*
You are an 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓋𝑜𝓇𝑒. Go forth. Consume it. Excrete it. Cover the world in it, one deed at a time.
* Technically speaking, you never actually earned either of those titles, but when have you ever let a complete and utter lack of liege, land, or lineage get in the way of your 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇?
Starting Equipment: plate armour, shield, anachronistic broadsword, parade livery,
ridiculous 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 looking helmet.
Starting Skills: Courtesy, Speechmaker, 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇
A: 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Points, Honorophage
B: Smite 𝔇𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔯
C: Aura of 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇
D: For the 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇, Most 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒
You gain +1 HP and +1 to Reaction Rolls against nobles, knights, glory hounds, quixotic madmen, and other 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 types for each 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓋𝑜𝓇𝑒 template you have.
A: 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Points
You keep a running tally of the bones broken and property destroyed in your
reckless disregard pursuit of 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇, and these "points" help bolster your ego in times of need. Every time you take damage or break valuables worth at least 10gp while doing something exceptionally stupid brave and attractive in the name of 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇, gain 1 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Point. You can store up to 10 Points within your 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Glands- yes those are a real thing, ask any 𝒹𝑜𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓊𝓇. Loot lost in this way does not count toward XP.
You are true to your namesake, and can subsist exclusively on 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 so long as you keep the gallant deeds rolling. Whenever you would eat a Ration, you may instead spend 1 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Point for the same effect. You must spend the entire meal recounting past deeds and valor, whether real or imagined.
B: Smite 𝔇𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔯
You may draw upon your body's reserves of 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 to smite those who would dare harbor the taint of 𝔇𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔯 within themselves. When you make an Attack against someone 𝔇𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔬𝔯𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔢 you may spend 3 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Points. If you do, take -4 to Attack in exchange for +4 Damage if the attack is successful, as you call your enemy out, bow, verbally abuse them, and declare your attack. If you miss, the Points are not expended. Because you are undoubtedly the embodiment of 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇, 𝔇𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔯 is anything that you do not stand for, or anything immediately inconvenient to you.
C: Aura of 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇
Your prodigious 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Glands have become hyperactive. You may express these glands by spending 5 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Points to create a palpable 20' cloud of 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 centered on you for 3 rounds. Anyone in this cloud takes -1 Attack and Defense as they paw at their noses and try not to be violently ill. This is the 𝔇𝔦𝔰𝔥𝔬𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔯 being expelled from their bodies, you see. You gain +1 Save vs Fear and +1 Attack in the cloud, and you find it quite pleasant and aromatic besides.
D: For the 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇
You realize that there is nothing more 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 than saving your own skin so that you might survive to 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 another day. You may spend 10 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Points to remove 1 Fatal Wound.
D: Most 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒
You have done it. You have completed the ritual of Accepting True 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Into Oneself, a rite involving an idol of the anthropomorphic manifestation of 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 and a preponderance of body oil. You gain double the 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇 Points from all sources, but more importantly you may now call yourself Most 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒.
Another technically functional joke class, this time mashing together a knight errant with a playstyle from Disco Elysium.ReplyDelete
This is terrible, it's perfect, it's...𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑜𝓊𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒ReplyDelete
This is lovely and terrifying at the same time as a concept.ReplyDelete
Thank you for the idea.