Sunday, November 3, 2019

GLOG Class Attempt: TIME THIEF

(In honor of yet another morning of Daylight Saving Time adjustment which has caught me unawares, I decided to make a deliberately weird and annoying joke class in as short a time and with as little food and water as I could. This is the result.)

You know him. You hate him. He's here to make your days drag on, and to make them way too short. Daylight Saving Time is his god, and like it, he is annoying in everything that he does. Though easily forgotten, his specter always looms close.

Know him by the sound of ticking and tocking and beware, for he has many guises.

All of them horrible.


You gain +1 Initiative for every TIME THIEF template you possess.

Starting Equipment: Bag of Sandman Dust, intravenous caffeine kit (5 doses), Too Many Clocks
Starting Skill [d3+1]: 1 = Tolerable Person, 2 = Clockmaker, 3 = Horologist, 4 = Procrastinator

A     Too Many Clocks
B     Early to Bed, Early to Rise
C     Spring Forward, Fall Back

Too Many Clocks

You carry Too Many Clocks with you. Every second is a cacophony of ticking, whirring, ringing, and chiming as dozens of pocket watches, wristwatches, alarm clocks, water clocks, pointlessly mechanized sundials, cuckoo clocks, and at least one grandfather clock sound off. Hundreds of different alarms go off for every timezone in the cosmos.

You and your party have -5 Stealth.

You always know the time. You always know ALL the times, and love to share date and holiday factoids with everyone around you. 

You can swing or throw a clock as a Light melee weapon. Hit or miss, the clock breaks and becomes a useless field of scattered parts.

You carry an arbitrarily high number of clocks in 2 Inventory Slots, but you still have to keep track of how many you use for your class abilities. The debt must be paid to the Time Lord someday.

Early to Bed

You can grind up a special powder that might put creatures to sleep. Throwing 1 dose of Sandman Dust is a ranged attack that gets -10 Attack for every 10' beyond the first. A successful hit has a 50% of blinding the target for 1 round. The round after a successful hit, it has a 25% chance of putting the target to sleep for [TEMPLATE] rounds.

You are not immune to your own dust, if it is windy or you're just really bad at aiming.

1 dose of Sandman Dust takes an hour to prepare. 1 dose is made of some sand, candle wax shavings, and a full night's sleep worth of harvested rheum. The rheum can be yours or someone else's.

Early to Rise

By setting the timer on your intravenous caffeine drip before resting, you only need 1/2 as much sleep as other people to remain functional. This consumes 1 dose of caffeine or other stimulants. By consuming 4 uses you can reduce this to 1/4 the required sleep, and gain a cumulative 5% of having a heart attack.

Everyone else in the party is also awakened by the alarm, but they don't benefit from the caffeine.

Spring Forward

In the Spring and Summer you can cast Haste once per day as per the spell with a duration of 1 minute. You can cast up to 60 cumulative minutes per half-year. Each use consumes 1 of your Too Many Clocks.

Fall Back

In the Autumn and Winter, you can cast Slow once per day as per the spell with a duration of 1 minute. You can cast up to 60 cumulative minutes per half-year. Each use consumes 1 of your Too Many Clocks.


You have mastered the art of annoyance and become a true TIME THIEF. Once per week you can turn back time by up to one hour, reversing everything that has happened in that time.

You and everyone else forget everything that happened in that hour, including the fact that you used this ability.

Each use consumes 10 of your Too Many Clocks and 1 year of your life, whether it is successful or not.

1 comment:

  1. An entity of this malignancy is fit only for an all villain party. Actually, that could be fun as a one-off.